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STOCK MARKET CLICHES

Quick, off the top of your head, recite your favorite cliche.

Got it?

"It is what it is."

I say that one at least five times a week.

Some cliches are just plain silly.

"There's no such thing as a stupid question."
My wife tells me that one's just not true, there are stupid questions, and I tend to ask them.

"Give it the old college try." I'm sure some people tried in college, but neither I nor anyone I hung out with was one of them.

"Take the bull by the horns." Have you really thought this one through?

The stock market has more than its fair share of cliches. But stock market cliches are just code words for simple truths we are trying to hide. So here is your handy guide to the Top 30 Biggest Stock Market Cliches, along with their true meanings.

#30 "I'm neutral on the stock."
= Rather than do my research, last night I
ordered Domino’s and watched Andy Griffith reruns, so now I don't have a clue about the stock but want to sound like I do.

#29 "I'm a long-term investor."
= "My stock has gone from $80 to $5."

#28 "There's a lot of macro volatility right now"
= I have no clue what's going on with the stock market, but I heard it has something to do with Trump.

#27 "That was a fat finger trade"
= I fell asleep at my computer while placing a trade and accidentally hit the "0" a couple more times than I was supposed to, and now I own more shares of Disney than my house is worth. So now I'm going to hit the hydrocodone a couple more times than I'm supposed to.

#26 "Sell in May and go away."
= I've lost enough money for one year and am ready to go on vacation.

#25 "It's the start of a new quarter."
= I realize your account didn't make any money last quarter,but I'm reading a Tony Robbins book on positive thinking and thought I'd try it out on you.

#24 "We need another round of quantitative easing."
= I flunked Algebra.

#23 "The market likes it."
= Someone a lot smarter than me is buying it.

#22 "Buy when people are fearful, and sell when people are greedy."
= If I throw a Warren Buffet quote at you maybe you'll think I'm as good as Warren Buffet.

#21 "We bounced off the 50 day moving average nicely."
= Rather than inform you that we had you in cash and missed some good profit, we thought we might throw some technical jargon at you hoping to intimidate you into not asking any questions.

#20 "There is minimal downside risk on this stock."
= I'm getting stock tips from my personal trainer.

#19 "What Wall Street is missing here is..."
= The reason why other investors should bail me out of my horrific trade is…

#18 "I like the stock right here."
= I flipped a coin and it came up heads.

#17 "Put a tight stop-loss on it."
= I have no confidence in this trade, so I'm
adding this disclaimer so when it tanks you can't blame me.

#16 "The weak hands are getting shaken out."
= I've lost a ton of money on this stock already, but I'm going to keep holding on until it gets delisted.

#15 "I cut my losses."
= I lost just one of my kids' college tuition’s.

#14 "I'm cautiously optimistic."
= I'm bipolar.

#13 "The company missed estimates, and guided down for the next quarter." 
= I'm thinking about applying at Denny's.

#12 "We are hoping the bulls will take control of this market."
= We've received a margin call.

#11 "This is a strong buy."
= I'm putting all my money in this one stock, lighting a candle, and praying for a miracle.

#10 "I'm waiting for confirmation before I jump in."
= I missed this entire move the first time, and want to make it sound like I planned to miss it all along.

#9 "The company guided lower."
= I won't be getting any sleep tonight.

#8 "You have to get defensive here."
= I'm tired of hearing you made a bunch of money while I didn't.

#7 "We're off the lows of the session."
= I've lost a boat load of money today, but at least I'm not as far down as I was a couple of minutes ago.

#6 "There are big headline risks right now."
= I'm not quite sure how I'm going to lose money, but I should know pretty soon.

#5 "We try not to get emotional."
= We haven't stepped out on the ledge for three days now.

#4 "We are looking for some safe havens here."
= A ten year note yielding only 1%, is still better than we can do.

#3 "I think we're close to a turn here."
= We better be close to a turn here or I may have to drop basic cable.

#2 "Your stock is up 10% in the past three days!"
= I need you to forget that your stock is down over 50% in the past three months.

#1 "Our thesis is still intact."
= We are way underwater on this trade. We may not have quite hit rock bottom on it just yet, but we can see the ocean floor.

Of course this list is not exhaustive, and if you've invested for very long you probably have several to add. Drop me a line if you have a good one. Until next month, keep on keeping on.