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SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING

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Trading the U.S. stock market the past couple of months has been like trying to hit Jell-O with a tennis racket. It’s like ghost hunting. Or eating lettuce.

A totally worthless endeavor.

We would rather learn to juggle than try to pick a stock to buy or sell right now. We truly believe our time would be better served watching synchronized swimming. Or a fishing show. Or another Floyd Mayweather fight. Not that synchronized swimming doesn’t matter. How else would the networks fill all those hours of Summer Olympic coverage?

But the fact remains the S&P 500 has been stuck in a fairly tight range between 2,400 and 2,480 for the better part of the summer, and until it can break through one of those lines, we would rather do anything other than try to trade this market. We’re thinking about getting a metal detector, or working on a fancy new signature that makes our bank call us. We’ve heard hunting mushrooms is a thing.

We believe the break from this dull 2,400 – 2,480 range is eventually lower, so our caution is before you decide to purchase a stock this month, ask yourself if it’s really, really, really worth it, or if your time and money would be better spent honing your ventriloquy skills, or starting the Synchronized Swimmers Lives Matter movement.

As we begin the notoriously, historically weak month of September, we have a healthy measure of skepticism and a large stash of cash in our portfolios, awaiting the day when trading merits more of our attention than cable news. We urge you do the same.

Photos: Pierre-Yves Beaudouin / Wikimedia Commons, via Wikimedia Commons